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SG Review: Yipe! 5 (iPhone) by ShanghaiSix

I hate iPhone games.

For me, they are usually a waste of time and money. Why would I spend time playing a game on my portable telephonic device when I can just as easily whip out a Nintendo DS, listen to an SG podcast, or breathe raggedly through my mouth while staring directly at the sun?

Lord only knows why the developer for an iPhone RPG would write me to see if I would review his game on the site. Someone apparently missed my last review of an iPhone game …but he likes Sarcastic Gamer.

Yipe! is the legacy pet project of a game developer and his two man team that dates back over 15 years (bwuh?), and he’s slowly been adding, revamping and tweaking the game over four iterations across the Mac and PC (there apparently was no Yipe! 4). This three man team has brought the latest installment to the iPhone, and it’s a quirky, humorous yet addicting and rather difficult overhead retro role playing game.

It’s got it’s tongue firmly planted in it’s cheek; instead of the usual “Fire Rod” or “Sword of Smiting”, your weapon choices are items like “Rusty Rake” and “Broken Broom Handle”, while the item description for a basic ring is “You suppose if a monster happened to hit you right where this ring is, you might take less damage.” And let’s not forget the zombie kids on skateboards. I can get behind that kind of snarkiness, indeed.

The storyline? Uh, not really. You are the champion for a scatterbrained king who sends you out across the kingdom to do everything between kill evil zombie chickens or collect the remnants of his missing stamp collection. There’s no real story; you spend most of your time balancing between buying healing items and buying better equipment while grinding out levels.

Grind, grind, grind...wait...where'd the last two hours go? Shit.

The issue? I played this contemptible little game until my iPhone’s “battery low” warning popped up, sitting on my couch in front of my computer. Alarm and alack! I could have been doing anything else other than playing a damn iPhone game! I was just going to try it out, play for a few minutes, knock out a sardonically scathing review of yet another crap iPhone game, and then get back to trimming my nose hair. I’d been bamboozled AND hornswaggled!

Of interest, the game seemed to have plenty of ass behind it; I checked the number of monsters killed and types of monsters found in my playthrough, and after three solid hours, I’d only encountered about a third of the possible creatures in the game. If these guys can add regularly updated content with this already long game? Pfft. No brainer.

Unlike the laughable iPhone port of Street Fighter 4 (good job at failing, Capcom), this game is kinda damn fun for mere pennies on the dollar; they are only charging a $1.99 for it and have a playable demo. I don’t know if they just caught me on a good day or what, but this little gem is going to escape my iPhone game wrath and actually get a thumbs up from me.

But don’t think that means I’m going to be getting Peggle or Bejeweled anytime soon or anything! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to stare off into space until drool starts forming at the corners of my mouth.

Yes, this game has healing cheeseburgers.

Author’s Note: The developer gave me a free copy of the game. I spent approximately three hours melting my brain playing a god damn iPhone game.